The
Devil's Reviews

Satan's School for Girls

If I had a school for girls, I assure you, it wouldn’t be like this. Oh, I’d be happy to let Kate Jackson and Cheryl Ladd in, but the curriculum would have to be revised. Showering 101. Lesbian 3-ways in Today’s Society. And perhaps a home economicsc course where they could sew some reveling outfits.

But you won’t see any of that in Satan’s School for Girls. No sex. No nudity. There’s not even a drop of blood. With that title, there should be some heavy duty exploitation. Instead, it is a quiet little made-for-TV horror film about a girl who doesn’t accept that her sister killed herself (that’s her normally depressed sister who’s found in a locked room). For no particular reason, she assumes there must be something mysterious going on at Sis’s college and off she goes to play Nancy Drew. Once there, she meets two of Charlie’s future Angels, neither of whom appear to realize they are sex symbols and need to start acting like it. She also meets various teachers and the headmistress, and none of them suggest she put on a schoolgirl outfit or that she deserves a good spanking.

What evil is lurking at the school? What is the mystery that causes three girls to commit suicide? Hey, it’s in the title. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to work out the details. But I must say, I do like how they captured my suave side. Dashing, clever, and like a father to all the girls. As long as incest is an option, that sounds like me.

Surprisingly, there is a good deal of tension, and a few low lever scares. This is 1973 TV, so it can’t be all that frightening, but it packs more of a punch than you might expect. Unfortunately, the production values aren’t there to give it anything more.

Pamela Franklin, who had just returned from Hell House in the obviously titled The Legend of Hell House (which I want to assure my readers had nothing to do with me) manages shrill, but never believable. If only someone had suggested that spanking, watching her would have been much more satisfying. Jackson is the standout, and her character, Roberta, has fine sensibilities, but still shows no skin.

For a thirty year old TV flick, you could do a lot worse. But the title is a tease.

Sins (What does this mean?)

Pride	Nothing.
Sloth	Nothing.
Avarice	Nothing.
Gluttony	Nothing.
Aesthetics	Don't look for beauty in a made-for-TV movie.
Surrogate Cruelty	A few murders, but nothing to write home about.
Thought	Nothing.
Humor	Nothing.
Lust	Nudity: Not a lick. Kate Jackson changes cloths, but you can’t see it. Sex: These are the purest college girls in history.

 

A Pair of Future Angles