The
Devil's Reviews

The Prophecy II

The Prophecy II picks up where The Prophecy left off, which is kind of funny because I thought the first film wrapped up all the loose ends. But here we are back again. Except we’re not. There was much truth to The Prophecy, but nothing here. You see, in that film, I was portrayed by Viggo Mortensen, and you can’t get more accurate than that. It was me! But where is Viggo here? Some guy pretending to be Viggo pretending to be me walks out, sets Gabriel free saying there isn’t’ enough space in Hell, and then walks off, keeping his back to the camera. Let me assure you my readers, that there is plenty of room in Hell. Lots. It wouldn’t have been a problem finding a spare bunk. That doesn't matter, because if I’d have let Gabriel out of Hell, I would have remembered it. Sorry, it didn’t happen. If I had the little bastard under my control, he wouldn’t be going anywhere, ever.

Anyway, the story follows Gabriel (Christopher Walken) once again trying to win his war against heaven (ummmmmm. I don’t think so). This time he has to kill Jennifer Beals (the Flash Dance chick) because she’s been making it with an angel and now is going to give birth to a Nephlim which will end the big war. Now I remember Nephlims. Big kids without too much concern for the folks. Did they write? Did they call? And they just weren’t that tough. If you’re going to defeat an army of angels, what you don’t need is a half breed brat. Really.

While the story isn’t much, it does give Walken a chance to return to the role of Gabriel, and although he’s not as good this time around, he’s still weird and funny. He hardly has a line which isn’t memorable—generally due to his delivery, but he’s given some genuinely good dialog. And some of it is more creepy than humorous:

Let's understand each other. I sang the first hymn when the stars were born. Not that long ago, I announced to a young woman, Mary, who it was she was expecting. On the other hand, I've turned rivers into blood. Kings into cripples. Cities to salt. So, I don't think that I have to explain myself to you.

Now the real Gabriel never said anything like that, but don’t you wish he did?

On the other side of his conversations is Izzy, a suicidal girl that Gabriel is keeping alive because he doesn’t know DOS. The minx is played by Britney Murphy, who is pretty hot in Sin City (love that title), but plays it asexual here. Oh well. She’s got her fair share of quotable lines, and she makes a fine second half of a great team with the horn player. I could watch the two of them gab all night.

Unfortunately, it isn’t all gabbing. We also have to watch Jennifer Beals and a guy who most certainly isn’t an angel (I know those guys—still have them in the old rolodex). She does her best, but she isn’t given much to work with. Eventually they end up at the Garden of Eden, the appearance of which is one the movie’s greatest jokes. (But once again, I have to clear up the facts. The place in the film looks absolutely nothing like Eden, and you just can’t walk there from the middle of a major city in the USA. It’s not there. You need a boat or a plane and… Never mind. You’re not supposed to know.

So, the guy pretending to be an angel takes the hot babe to see Michael, the greatest of all the angels after yours truly, and in his magnificence, he appears as… Eric Roberts. Eric Roberts! Damn, I’m surprised Michael didn’t do some serious smiting on the ass of the casting director. We’ve reached new levels of miscasting. But at this point the movie falls apart anyway. Instead of anyone beating on anyone, there’s lots of talking of faith and God. Hey, if Jehovah was hanging out this whole time, don’t you think he would have stopped his own messengers from impaling each other long ago instead of waiting around to whisper in the ear of some innocuous pregnant chick?

So, the ending is a complete loss, with a fake Michael, some hopeless Christian worship, and no one dealing with their own problems (except Izzy). But early on there’s some hot bed polo, some nice shots of the attractive Ms Beals, and some marvelous one-liners from Walken and Murphy. The sinful wins out. It’s worth a look.

Sins (What does this mean?)

Pride	Not in a good way.
Sloth	Nothing.
Avarice	Nothing.
Gluttony	Nothing.
Aesthetics	Some pretty buildings.  Generally well-framed shots.
Surrogate Cruelty	Some angle carnage, including hearts ripped out and bodies incinerated. Two car crashes.  A little angel vs. human combat, and a plummet from high in a building.
Thought	Nothing.
Humor	Gabriel has a few zingers.
Lust	Nudity: Brief shot of Jennifer Beal’s ass and slightly longer of her breasts, plus her lying naked in less revealing positions Males: Wong’s butt. Gabriel climbs naked out of hell so there’s a Walken body double laying bare-assed on the ground. Sex: Jennifer and Wong go at it like a bat out…ummmm, like an angel out’of Heaven…

Related Films

The Prophecy
The Prophecy 3: The Ascent
The Prophecy: Uprising
The Prophecy: Forsaken