The Devil's Rating Standards

When The Devil starts reviewing films, I (being The Devil) figure you could use a little information, like why and how. The why is simple. I'm The Devil. I am the creator of art. That shouldn't be a shock. Everyone knows Rock-n-Roll is mine. It shouldn't be a stretch to work out that symphonic music and jazz are mine as well. Just follow the path. Painting is mine. So is sculpture, literature, theater, and finally, film. So who is going to be better reviewing movies than the person who created the art form?

How am I going to review films? I do have an angle. Art, as I've stated many times, is about expressing and promoting life, that is, the joy that life can be. And joy comes from sinning. If you're not aware of that you need to pause reading this page, and take a look at my description of the Nine Vital Sins. See that link?  Take it. We'll wait.

OK, everyone back? Good. We should all be clear now on why you want to sin. Since I am the Lord of Sin, I'm best able to determine if a film is filled with sin. So, for each flick I review, I will examine to what degree it focuses on each of the nine sins. I'll put it in a nice table. I'm not going to come up with a number. Film critics love to give things numbers. But what does an 8 in sloth really mean. No, I'll mention if the sin was in the film, how much of it there was, and what form it took. In some cases, a film may display characters sinning, or merely watching the film may cause you to sin (lust is the most obvious case of that), or the film may advocate a sin without any kind of display.

I'll also present my recommendation: See it or skip it (perhaps with a qualifier or two). You might be thinking that my counsel will be based solely on the amount of sinning present, but I can't ignore that film is a medium of storytelling. If a movie poorly presents its tale, a lot of sinning won't be able to save it. Plot, acting, production values—those all count. Of course with no sins they mean nothing.

Since sin is so important to my reviews, and lust in the greatest of all sins (remember, a great sin is a good thing), you may be surprised to learn that I won't be reviewing porn. It isn't that I don't like and respect pornography, but rather that I don't consider it part of the art of narrative film. And that is mainly because of how a porn film should be judged. You see, there are bad movies, but there is never bad porn, only porn that isn't right for you. The only standard for porn is: Does it excite you. Since people's kinks vary, a great porn film for you may be horrible for your neighbor. You don't need the aid of a critic to figure out if you are excited.

You will find a high percentage of erotic films on my review list. Also violent films. I'm afraid there aren't that many slothful movies, but I'll do what I can. And while some may not be packed with sin, I will be looking at films that mention me. A bit of info for you: most film get me completely wrong.